Playing Big

I went to the office today and ended up only being there for 20 minutes or so. In the short amount of time I was there today, I had a conversation with a friend that ended with 2 questions:

What does playing big mean to you? How do you know if you are playing big?

WOW! I was stopped in my tracks. Speechless and for those of you that know me well that is hard to do.

What DOES playing big mean to me? How DO I know if I am playing big?

What I do know is that I haven’t been playing big. So if what I am currently doing isn’t playing big, then the opposite of what I am currently doing is, right? Wrong. So I did what I do when I am overwhelmed and can’t find the answers within me. I wrote it out.

Before you go any further, this is very vulnerable and emotional. This is my truth. This is what is going on inside of me. My process for this self discovery is to write down the question and then wait for the answer to come and then write it down. It being whatever comes into my mind. No judgement. Lots of Grace and Mercy. This my process. This is how I connect to myself and to God. If you have never tried this process, i urge you to try it. You will be surprised with what you discover about yourself.

5/14/24 2 Questions

1). What does playing big mean to me?
2). How do I know I am playing big?

Playing Big means going after what I want. No fear. Courage. Bravery. Brutal honesty with myself. Can’t doesn’t exist. Only can. no obstacles or obstacles are not mountains they are only mole hills. I am not in my own way. Do it Scared. nothing holds me back: not past trauma past experiences not past decisions. nothing.

Playing Big is also letting go of the shoulds, coulds, & woulds. no expectations. Playing Big is also mastering something. getting so good at it that you are known for it.

Playing Big is practice, practice, practice. Playing Big is being conscious of daily activities. Having a plan & working that plan to achieve goals.

Showing up for yourself daily.

Showing up for your family daily.

Showing up for God daily.

Playing Big is having boundaries and enforcing boundaries.

Playing big is being unapologetic in your choices and decisions. Doing what’s right for you & what your needs are.

NO SHAME NO GUILT NOT Beating self up.

2). How do I know if I a playing Big?
I am in a flow. My mindset. Journaling. Gratitude. Comparision is nonexistent.

I know I’ve done my best. Given it my all. Open to opportunities that match my goal/end game.

Worry is gone. I am on Path.

Acknowledge & owning decisions that were not the best. moving forward.

It’s a feeling for me. My fingers tingle when I play Big. I haven’t played big in a lot of years: Since 2020 when my mom died. My life changed drastically when She died. I’m sure I have unresolved grief that needs to be dealt with. Its holding me in a place I no longer want to be. i want to find my spark again, my light. How do I find that? Where do I begin?

Life isn’t what I thought. I thought my mom would be here this weekend to see AJ graduate. I thought she would live to see my boys graduate HS/College & get married & have grandbabies. But She didn’t. She left. and Im angry.

I am angry. I am sad. I miss my mom. I am hurting. its been almost 4 years and Im still a mess. A piece of me died that day. How do I move forward w/o my best friend?

Ive been numbing myself w/food/sweets, money for many years.

How do I heal the trauma?

Take comfort in my loving arms -God

Put me back together Lord! heal my broken heart. help me find my way!

Take away my hurt. In Jesus name, Amen

Move forward one foot in front of the other.
How do I find my joy again?

-one foot in front of the other-

-gratitude

-journaling

-look to the future. remember the past don’t live in it. Learn from it.

-listen to music

-watch something funny

-laugh a lot

-give

-do things that are fun